Unpacking the Baggage from the Past
by David and Elaine Atchison

Rock a bye baby, balanced on top.
When our storms blow, the bags start to rock.
With our arms full, we can't stop the fall.
And down will come baby,
baggage and all.

Traveling with small children certainly has its challenges. We were embarking on our first family ski trip. Winter was creating havoc with Chicago flight schedules, but our children were unconcerned about making our connecting flight at the opposite end of O'Hare. Try inspiring two kindergartners and a three-year-old to walk quickly! They did great for about 20 yards, then began handing off their backpacks that were "tooo heavy." Our arms were already full with several items we were unable to check, and they began to ache terribly as we lumbered toward the gate. Thankfully, we made our flight, but the weight of all that baggage is still unforgettable. Maybe God was illustrating another lesson that day. There is a different kind of baggage, though invisible, that can make every day an exhausting journey. These bags hold the unresolved issues from our past, and come in a wide variety of sizes and shapes: neglect, criticism, abuse, addiction, disappointment, "what ifs," fear of failure, guilt, rejection . . .

Left unresolved, we carry them into our marriage, weighing down our spouse as well. Ultimately, our children are affected. After all, if our hands are full, who will hold the children?

You can't keep your bags packed forever
Elaine and I approach our return from travel very differently. No matter how late I get home, I feel compelled to unpack and put away everything. She, however, is content to unpack a little at a time—over days! We are tempted just to throw our bags full of dirty clothes in the closet, but eventually things would begin to smell. Not dealing with past issues tends to have the same result. Philippians 3:13b-14a says, ". . . But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on . . . " Here "forgetting" means to put out of your mind, to neglect, to no longer dwell on." This is not the Greek word meaning "utterly forgetting or completely oblivious to." Pretending painful experiences never happened is neither realistic nor healing. On the other hand, honest examination can move us forward. There are no quick fixes or simple formulas, but there are helpful concepts to guide you.

Take time to unpack your past (and present)
John 8:32 says, "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Exploring the past accurately and objectively has many obstacles because false messages like, "You'll never amount to anything," "What's wrong with you?" or "You make me sick" may seem indelibly etched in your mind. They can loom like giants, overshadowing the positive experiences of our lives. Finding out what the Bible says can begin freedom and healing. Rather than viewing yourself as a victim or survivor, God wants to replace any mistaken identity with the truth. You are His child. Are you a perfectionist? A controller? A workaholic? A rage-aholic? Face the fact that you may have become part of the chain that now threatens to shackle your child. God intends for you to become free to fully love Him—and your children.

Allow God to carry your bags
Exodus 20:5 confirms that family problems are multigenerational. Our parents were once children with parents who had their share of problems, too. Learning why your parents responded as they did does not excuse them, but it can enlighten you. Recognizing the unhealthy patterns of past generations gives you the opportunity to initiate changes that can permanently alter your family tree. Regardless of your family heritage, your spiritual parentage is secure. Romans 8:15 says, "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.'" "Abba" is an intimate name like "Daddy." Many struggle with this concept of God because it was never modeled for them. All of us must relearn, to some degree, that only our Heavenly Father can totally meet our innate needs for acceptance, attention, and affection. One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to model the kind of love God has shown us. The starting point for this journey? Stop right where you are—hand over your burdens—and ask your "Dad" to carry them until you reach your final destination.

(First printed in ParentLife Magazine, April, 1998)